Tuesday, August 8, 2017

40 Things No Man Over 40 Should Own - Real World Commentary - We're talking style here!

I just read the most curious post that I have read in a long time. This guy seems not to be telling you what isn't cool for him but also what isn't cool for you.

His article is entitled "40 Things No Man Over 40 Should Own" and really goes through and dictates lifestyle choices. I may have an opinion but hey...you want to be a nerd...that's your choice. Like I wouldn't be caught dead wearing anything that Tim Gunn recommended but then we have totally different lifestyle choices...on all fronts I think.

So this article is written by Eric Spitznagel for Best Life Online . Not trying to bag on the guy at all. I just feel that not everyone fits into the same jeans and everybody's got to do their own thing. Baaaa Baaaa

Number 1 no no is Hoodies. First i got to say, I've been wearing hooded sweatshirts since before "Hoodies" were cool. It's the best outerwear there is for training and doing roadwork. I don't wear them as a style statement but no man over 40? You are kidding me...right?

Number 2 is Acoustic Guitars for Parties. Now I may be a bit of a ruffian but I think pulling out an acoustic guitar at a party is a bit "soft" (is that politically correct?). Yeah, I've seen the 30 year old actors playing teenagers in the beach movies woo the girls with the guitar and the songs but lets face it... it's not cool in any sense of the word. But hey, if you want to do it... go for it. The coffee shop dudes make that middle aged crowd happy and if you're where your ipod or boom box or wind up Victrola doesn't work, whip it out. Who doesn't love a rousing round of Kumbaya? No seriously, possibly you are an accomplished musician and have a circle of musical friends...ok...no.

Number 3 is flip flops. Flip flops? Are you shitting me? Flip flops? Any decent human being over 40 who doesn't own a pair of flip flops needs do slow it down and take a breath. Now I'm not saying you have to wear yellow ones with your Armani suit to a wedding which I know of someone did a lot of years ago, but hey, no loafers to the beach would be much higher on my list!

Number 4 is Track Suits. You know, I think track suits have always been tacky, unless you are a runner or a basketball player...like in training. Look at the guys that wear them as evening wear on TV. If you think that is a good look (or ever was a good look), you should probably keep yours..in velour. If you aren't Snoopy...dump it! Enough said.

Number 5 is Funny Ties. Does funny ties even belong in the conversation? I mean if you have one gag tie, big deal. You aren't really going to wear it except as a joke anyway. This is filler stuff.

Number 6 is Velcro Wallet. I'm not a velcro wallet kind of guy but I do wear dress clothes a few hours each day and I'm not one to switch wallets frequently. But on the other hand, if I were dressing to my personal lifestyle in hiking clothes or road gear, I can tell you a nylon wallet with a positive closure is excellent for weather and rough activity. I think this should be off the list... but with the caveat that a velcro wallet doesn't go so well with italian pants, shoes and shirt in an office environment.

Number 7 is scooters. Now Mr. Spitznagel goes on to describe some specific motorized scooters and well as hover boards but I gotta tell you. These things are a blast. I myself use a Razor from time to time...not as public transportation, but just for the rush and believe me... not many 4 lb pieces of steel will put a smile on your face faster than these little buggers and I also gotta tell you...watch out for the broken concrete. Nothing takes the flesh off of your bones faster either. Not afraid of a little pain.. go for it. You don't get a second chance!

Number 8 is The Art of War by Sun Tzu. Never read the book but I will agree. If you need to read a book on how to be in charge...you will probably never be in charge... of anything important. I do recommend Looking Out For Number One or Winning Through Intimidation by Robert Ringer. They may help you through a few hurdles.

Number 9 is Wine Bottles as Candle Holders. Is this article written for teenagers and their first apartments or 40 year olds. I mean really? I think he missed don't pick your nose (and eat it)...at least not while anyone's looking.

Number 10 is Certain Specialized Deodorant. This is just strange. I didn't even know there was such a thing. Is it main stream enough that we need to be advised not to use it. I guess it's the FDS for men. Hey, if you have a problem, use it. Maybe it's just perfume... and if so...maybe someone will smell it!

Number 11 is Bowling Shoes. I seem to remember seeing some nerds wearing bowling shoes like 20 years ago. I personally think bowling shoes are bad enough that hardly anyone even wants to wear them at the alley, but if you want attention, go for it. They are only slightly more ridiculous than the short suit jackets for men that are popular right now. I mean the ones that look like a mans suit jacket, except 2 sizes two small and way short. It's a trend... not style.

Number 12 is A Guy Fieri Haircut. I had to check to see who he is but i gotta say I don't think that it's all bad. I would definitely take it over this...the authors own doo. To each his own.

Number 13 is Enormous Piles of Laundry. Now he's really running out of things to say. Take 30 shirts to the laundry once a month. Who cares!

Number 14 is an Online Porn Membership. Do people really have these things? Are they really that common? Why not get it free like everyone else. Off the list for any age group! if you can find an online porn site to pay, you can find an online porn site for free!

Number 15 is Shot Glasses. Really? Shot glasses? I personally am not a shot guy, but if my friends come over and want to toss a few back with a beer, why not have a glass. It doesn't take much space. Now 20 shot glasses with your favorite sports team logos may be a little goofy. If you have 20 friends who regularly come to your house to throw back shots, you may have a problem.

Number 15 is an AOL email address. We have finally seen eye to eye. AOL may be the slowest provider on the planet and every time I meet someone that has an AOL account they are over 65... usually over 70. It's the system that their child set them up on 20 years or more ago and they don't want to migrate. I agree on this one...dump it and move to something else. The migration is easy.

Number 17 is Speedos. I think that possibly they don't look so great on anyone so 40 may not be the age. Even if you have a great bod at any age, do you really need your package hanging out there all in the daylight I vote for boxers..unless of course you are a competitive swimmer.

Number 18 is A Story Involving a Jail Cell. I'm a bit impartial to this one. If it's a good story tell it. If it's just trying to act badass... chill regardless of the outcome.

Number 19 is a key chain bottle opener. Goes without saying that this may be a little immature. I personally try to minimize what gets stuffed into my pockets. If I don't need it most of the time, I don't want to carry it. A bottle opener... most bottle I drink from are screw off or there is a convenient bottle opener nearby in a drawer.

Number 20 is Gamer Injuries. Now this is one I have to question personally. I am currently playing a game called Sleeping Dogs and it kicks my ass. It is the most thumb intensive game I have ever played. I may be able to play it for an hour and then I'm shot for a week. But I'm not giving it up. And it doesn't take away from my 3 hours of roadwork or 10 hours in the gym a week (nor my love life nor my 9-5).

Number 21 is Burning Man Friends.... HUH?

Number 22 is Baseball Caps. Really ...baseball caps? That is so American. I mean wearing a baseball cap is American. If you like em...wear em. I don't wear a hat at all most of the time but if it's raining, a baseball cap is my go to... but never backwards unless I'm playing baseball...and catcher (which is never)!

Number 23 is A “Lucky” Piece of Clothing. i guess there may be some doofus that actually has this but if he has room in his cave for it...who cares. Now talking about it...that's something else.

Number 24 is A Roommate. Can't say I know anyone over 40 with a roommate but plenty live with their mothers... unless you are taking care of them...get your own place!

Number 25 is Band T-shirts. Most everyone like to sport the logo of their favorite vacation spot, band or car. It is what it is. Not appropriate for a dinner party but works fine for saturday kicking around. Better than a designer logo on the shirt!

Number 26 is a Tinder Account. OK...I think that dating sites are pretty poor but fortunately I've never frequented one. if you are looking for companionship, find something that works for you.

Number 27 is Wallet Chains. Yeah, they are a bit stereotypical. OK. Yeah, you likely have a Harley. OK you saw someone who looked like a biker once and he was sporting one. If it makes you feel more biker like get one.. just don't wear it with chaps...unless you are in the Village People.

Number 28 is Themed Bedsheets. This goes back to number 26. If you routinely go to Comicon... these are probably perfect for you and the woman you seek will probably dig them. If you're still looking... maybe you should sell your action figures and stick with white.

Number 29 is A Bed without a Frame. You won't find firmer support...that's for sure...but it may be a little spartan for a cool pad.

Number 30 is a Bong. Really? I guess rolling papers are better for you... or are you supposed to get more serious about death as you get older and give up living the fun life.

Number 31 is skinny jeans. So if you are trim what are you supposed to wear baggies or just no jeans. This is a joke. Wear skinny jeans...but not with goo hanging in every direction.

Number 32 is Frozen Pizza Rolls. OK frozen anything is probably bad (except ice cream of course) and pizza is bad but you gotta eat something. Just limit it to a few a week...month.

Number 33 is an unstamped passport. OK so travel isn't your thing. That's ok.  There are plenty of fishing holes out there and you'd be hard pressed to hike every canyon and bike every trail on the continent. Whatever flies your kite. I do like travel personally.

Number 34 is Unframed Posters. If you're married, hopefully your mate is taking care of this. If you aren't you probably don't care. Just make them cool posters with cycles and surfers...not scantily clad babes from the 50's.

Number 35 is A Girlfriend Born in the Clinton Years. This guy is just telling you not to get what he could never have. Get three... four...and take your vitamins!

Number 36 is A Tattoo Less Than Five Years Old. This is another lifestyle choice. I never had one. I never wanted one. On the other hand, it is a lifestyle. If you have the need to belong to a group, and the group sports a tat...of 100... do what's right for you. Just don't get that one tat so you can say you did it. I mean really...why?

Number 37 is A Fast Food Condiment Packet Collection. Another case of stretching by the author. What he should have advised is fast food more than once a week (or month). I don't use packaged condiments as they cover the taste of the food. If it's that bad, I should eat elsewhere. But on the other hand, maybe it's time for you to look at your diet and health. Fast food is there for that unusual occasion when you can't stop to eat. If it happens more than once a month, you need to plan better.

Number 38 is a book called the Art of Auto-Fellatio. This is way out of my wheelhouse. I can't address it. Hopefully none of my readers owns it. If you've ever thought about it, don't tell anyone.

Number 39 is A Buddy on Your Couch. I've had this a few times for a short time. You help a pal out. They move on. It's no big deal. If he's there after a month... you need to give him the boot.

Number 40 is A Black Eye. Now I've gotta agree with Spitznagel on this one. You need not go to a place where you are likely to get one and regardless of the reason, they are embarrassing.

I can't actually tell you 40 things that you shouldn't have after 40... heck. The older you get, the more things you should get and try. Life isn't getting any shorter. Throw away your preconceived notions of what you shouldn't be doing and have a ball! 

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